I've just read an interesting article from a link given by my Ms. Raden that makes me want to write. I have the urge to write it even more when I heard a friend of mine who fell sick because of the stress after being asked the same question over and over again by her parents.
Unfortunately I also feel kind of weary, and I do not have the right mood to make a proper writing good my blog. So for now I am just going to write just to share my thoughts with some friends. About what, you ask? About marriage.
What's up with marriage, anyway? Clearly, back in pre-historic time human did not have this weird thing called "marriage". If you liked someone, you could just cut to the chase and have your way in an instance. After done with your business, you could each continue with your own lives. If a woman was pregnant and eventually gave birth to a child, the only bond the child has was with the mother. In this way, women became a central figure for her descendants.
But then one day men suspected that they had a role in the phenomenon of proliferation. This arouse the desire to claim their descendants. At one point during the ancient civilizations such as Mesopotamia, men increasingly asserted their power by forming an institution where men can pay an amount of dowry and provide for women's lives, and in return they get an exclusive sexual access.
So the idea of a marriage according to the major religions in the world today is nothing new at all. Centuries before, there were already various arrangements to restrict women so they won't be "mischievous", daughters to be always under the authority of their fathers and wives must obey their husbands. If the women resisted and rebelled, they will be given the label of "prostitute" and thus considered to be vile.
Whatever the reason (social, emotional, economic, spiritual, religious, legal, etc.), even people in the most modern societies these days are still being pressured to marry and start a household. Actually there is nothing wrong with it all. The problem is when for some reason people still have to fuss about marriage. Many have become extremely intolerant, condemning, and judgmental to other people who have the kinds of relationship that does not fit the norm that they believed in themselves. Yet the forms of marriage that they believed in are something that is subject to relativity , something that might have a parallel nature in many communities today but to consider it universal would be exaggerating.
If recently some people in Indonesia insisted on maintaining unregistered marriage or polygamy (or rather polygyny, one husband with multiple wives), I wonder if they can also accept the fact that there are a group of people in a not-so-distant part of the world that embrace polyandry (one wife with many husbands), or other group of people that allow women and men to mingle outside of wedlock?
Women of Mosuo ethnic group (PRC) has a very important role in their society. Couples in this tribe are not bound in wedlock. Every woman who are considered to be of age are allowed to have a separate room in her house in which she can let her lover come and visit at any given time. If the girl ever feel bored, all she had to do was to close the door and her lover would stop visiting. If a child was born out of this relationship, then the child would become a part of the mother's family and inherited his/her mother's family name.
And then there is another ethnic group named Nyinba Tribe that lived in southwestern Nepal. This tribe practice polyandry in which a woman can marry not just a man, but also his brothers.
The conclusion? What was the reason for me to write this lengthy note? There is no special reason, really. I just wanted to remind my dear friends who may be feeling pressured by society or family, that although it has become a solid institution for a long time, in the end marriage is just another manmade concept. As other manmade objects, these institutions are not perfect and they might not be suitable for everyone. Like any other human creation, these institutions can bring good and bad. I would like to remind also, that there are many ways and methods to establish a meaningful relationship. Just because something has become a custom for most people, it does not mean we should mindlessly concur just like that, just because we thought that we won't be happy if we don't follow them through.
But that does not mean I want you to stone pro-marriage people to death either! I just want to implore to you to seek your own happiness, your own way :)
2 comments:
Indeed and absolutely agree!
Marriage is one of many ways to gain happiness. It's different between one people to another. Some poeple (or general people) find it is the only way to reach happiness, according to the mainstream rule. But there are still, some area of the world who didn't affecting by this rule (thus, It does happen in our neighborhood).
I find some old lady in my neighborhood whose not getting married, even after they reach 70! Simply they say, She couldn't find a perfect man for her, or else, She doesn't want bandaged by term "Marriage". Whatever it is, it is your own choice. Don't use it to hurt anybody.
@Lomar: That's what I'm talking about. Who are we to know what's best for other people? And all the while, that 70 yo lady could be happier than all of those who look down on her...
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